Christmas is Past

All the crazy hustle and bustle and intensive lead up and BAM – Christmas is over.
I love the lights, the trees, the cards….but I almost wouldn’t mind skipping over the awkward opening of gifts in front of people and eating too much for dinner and getting stuck with all the dishes.
My favorite part may be the day after. Visitors go home, the house is quiet, leftovers abound, and it is just so relaxing. Clearly that’s the introvert in me talking.

Tis the Season

Christmas is coming!

I’ll be honest, as excited as I was for Christmas last year, I ended up having a really hard time when it finally came down to it. It was my first Christmas that I didn’t spend at my parents house, with my immediate family, in the Midwest. And suddenly I was a thousand miles away, living in Texas, having a snowless Christmas, and about to have my first two person Christmas ever.

I was excited, I truly was. But I had this big rush of emotion, and I didn’t know what to do, so I broke down big time at the last minute and was absolutely miserable.

We did redeem it, and I did  have a good first Christmas with my husband here in Texas, but there was definitely a lot of emotions involved!

This Christmas I am looking forward to having my in-laws with us, celebrating with the friends we’ve made in the last year, and hopefully embracing fewer crazy emotions!

Do you remember your first Christmas away from your families? Was it a positive experience, or somewhat sad/emotional/difficult?

surprise

Life throws us surprises every day, some good, some unfortunate, many that we won’t really understand, and know how to categorize, until some later day down the road.

I’ve been having some health issues lately, and the doctor made it official the other day – PCOS. For those who don’t know, that would be Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Its not really deadly, more just frustrating, especially when its time to start having kids and your body and isn’t working right.

Right now the challenge is just to sort out what to do – natural vs medical intervention being the biggest issue. There are medications to try (or to not try), and natural resources all over the place, and ideas for helping, healing, patching, fixing, etc. Some things work for some people, not for others, and some things epically fail, and its a lot of time, and money, and emotion to invest in something that is a bit elusive, for a vision of health that may never be realized.

So theres a surprise for me this week.

I don’t necessarily feel super emotional about it, but I think I have this deeper layer of emotions that don’t quite know what to do with themselves. I just feel unsettled, on the verge of depressed, lonely and alone. I’m in that place within myself where I know I’m very close to shutting down, and shutting others out, and falling back within myself. And I don’t really know if I feel like reaching out to catch myself – to grab on to help – or not.